Getting out 'enough'

The other day I was accused of not getting out enough, while out enjoying a beautiful lunch at DeliCATessen - the irony was not lost on me. Yet, at the time, I really couldn't think of a good way to respond to this, except to say 'Of course I do!', shrug it off and change the subject. However, after the perspective of a good nights sleep and a little mental percolation, I find myself becoming increasingly indignant at this accusation, in fact I'm actually rather cross about it.

The accusation came from someone only 3 years my junior, a mother like myself. Yet here she is still measuring the quality of my life, and probably her own, based on how many nights out she has sans child. Really? REALLY? When are we going to grow up?

The more I think about it, the more I realise that my life is so full of so many more enriching and wonderful things (and I am NOT simply referring to my child) that a night out in a club kind of pales in comparison. I went out plenty before I had a child, most of the time I was out more than I was in. I loved it, and missed it for a long time after it stopped being a realistic pursuit. However, I also know that at that time, in comparison to now, my life was pretty empty - I studied and I socialised, prefect when your 25, less than fulfilling in your 30's. Now I grow vegetables, I belong to a book club, I belly dance, I still study full time, I have a part-time job, I am involved with organisations that I am passionate about such as Le Leche League and the Community Exchange System , I have started a small market-based business with a friend and obviously still spend as much time as I can with my family and friends - I'm a busy girl, and I get out plenty! Sure, the hours between 9pm and midnight are no longer the most happening (thank God!), but from 6:30am to 9pm I'm your girl!

Now, if you will excuse me I have to get ready, I'm off to a club tonight.

Be kind to yourself

This is a hard one, as children we are taught to be kind to others, to do unto other as you would have them do unto you. But the message 'be kind to yourself', well that kinda gets lost along the way. In fact, the messages we do get are 'try harder', 'do more', 'be better'. Don't get me wrong, I am not knocking striving to be your best, I believe in that, but I do think that sometimes, we should cut ourselves a little slack. 

When we are constantly focusing on what we haven't achieved yet, we so quickly forget to celebrate what we HAVE achieved. And I don't know about you, but I tend to find it much easier to reach my goals when I remind myself that I AM a strong, capable woman, rather than constantly berating myself for not being there yet.

However, it's not enough to just tell yourself that you are strong and capable, you have to give yourself concrete examples. So, here is my challenge to you. Make yourself a cup of tea, sit down and actually write out a list of the things you have achieved. My secret tip here is not just to write down those things that you have viewed as major goals in your life, but also the things that you have achieved without making them specific goals. These are the things, little and big, that millions of people fail at every day. Things that may have come easily to you, so easily that you don't even view them as achievements. But the fact that certain things come easily to you is a product of who you are, a product of your talents, and so these things too must be celebrated. 

So here is my little list, I wrote this in my head a couple weeks ago when I needed a bit of a 'pick-me-up', and and it really helped.

I have given birth naturally, with no pain medication

I have breastfed a child for over 3 years

I continue to proudly breastfeed my toddler in public

I only used cloth nappies

I have completed a BSc, BSc (Hons) and an MSc

I have quit smoking

I have stayed married for almost 6 years

I have stayed in the same relationship for over 10 years

I have lost 23kg

I have belly danced, on a stage, in public

If you want to share your own list in the comments section, that would be great. Be inspired by the achievements of others, and as proud of your own achievements as you are of those of others. 

Tori Amos LIVE IN CAPE TOWN!

It is still sinking in that last night I sat, mere meters away from Tori Amos, and watched as she played the most beautiful and transforming music. I don't think I'm exaggerating to say that it was akin to a religious experience.

I was first introduced to Tori 14 years ago, when I was 16, by my best friend. Since then Tori has pretty much been the sound track to our lives. We both have so much emotion, pain, joy, growth and metamorphosis wrapped up in her music. So, sitting there with her last night, watching Tori, was definitely nothing short of spiritual.

In the bus from the car to the venue - we are two VERY excited girls

I cried, laughed and squealed with excitement. I was moved and transformed, yet again, by Tori. She is older now, and to me she has become like the wise mother, and I listen to her wisdom because her music is real, powerful and honest. The pain on her face when she sang Hey Jupiter, and the emotion in her voice when she sang Me & a Gun - I felt that at my core, I was shaken. And, although she looks different now, her voice is still as powerful and beautiful as it ever was. Rich and deep, it bows to her every command.

Playing silly buggers in the bathroom before the show :)

She had total and complete respect from the audience, with absolute silence during every song she played. The few times I could bear to tear my eyes from her, everywhere I looked I saw people holding on to each other watching her, the atmosphere was so intimate, it felt like it was just you and her.

This was actually taken during the show by someone - found it online this morning

She played a staggering 17(!) songs, with no back-up or accompaniment, just Tori and her piano's - perfect. I don't know how she found the strength, but I think she knew we were like the starving and she was manna from heaven, feeding us as much as possible of her very best. She opened with Little Earthquakes, then Icicle, Silent all these years, Consitina, Hey Jupiter, Dragon, Sorta fairytale (very special to me), Bells for her, Mother, Pancake (I felt like I was hearing this for the very first time, incredible) , Me & a gun, I can't see New York and finally closed with Carry, the only song she played that was actually from Night of Hunters. For the encore she played Personal Jesus, Leather, Precious things and Tear in your hand.

I continue to remain, ever more powerfully, under her spell

Story Time!

One of my favourite things, now that Chicken Little is almost 3, is story time before bed. When she was younger she would enjoy looking at her books with us, but didn't yet have the patients to sit through a whole story. Now she will quite happily sit through 3 or 4....or 5 or 6 stories.

The first book she fell in love with was Cat in the Hat by Dr Seuss. Such a classic, the copy she has actually belonged to the Rooster when he was little. Enough said. 

Then came her Donaldson phase, The Gruffalo, Tiddler and What the Ladybird Heard - oh lordy, the imagination of this woman!

Next we moved onto Oliver Jeffers's How to Catch a Star and Lost and Found. SUCH beautiful, evocative

illustrations!

At the moment her favourite book is Angelina's Invitation to the Ballet. She received this for her 2nd birthday, but we only really discovered it again recently. She loves the fact that this book is full of pull-out letters, invitations and tickets to the ballet.

Looking forward to what comes next!

P.S. Chicken Little just came in and spotted this post, she was beside herself with excitement and shrieked "What did you make for me mummy?!"

Breeding Season

So I now have four friends who are pregnant and due early next year☺Three of which I found out about in the last two days! This is making me very broody and the Rooster very nervous. 

Wishing all these mamas safe and healthy pregnancies ♥

'Pregnant Women' by Steve Gribben

Be Proud of Co-Sleeping!

An article posted today, on ABC News, really got my blood boiling - so now we're going to talk about it! 

The article (poorly) addressed the issues of co-sleeping, with a predominantly negative slant. So first, lets examine what co-sleeping is. Co-sleeping implies children sleeping in the same room as their parent, room-sharing, which includes, but is not exclusive to, sleeping in their parent bed, or bed-sharing. The American Academy of Paediatrics supports co-sleeping, but not bed-sharing - although their research does not support the hypothesis that bed-sharing can increase the possibility of SIDS. In fact, the reason that they support room-sharing is because it has been proven to reduce the possibility of SIDS. Researchers are still not sure what causes SIDS, but what they do know is that the elevated levels of Carbon dioxide, given off by the parents while they sleep, continually stimulate the baby to keep breathing. As far as I'm concerned that alone is a good enough reason to co-sleep with your child. 

There are, however, a slew of other practical, emotional and psychological benefits to co-sleeping. From a practical perspective, the disruption of night-time feeds is greatly reduced by having your baby as close to you as possible. Once mama and baby have their system down pat, the baby can usually feed with the mama barely waking up, can I get an Amen?

There are two very popular baby books at the moment, Baby Sense and Sleep Sense, which I am NOT a supporter of. I mention them though because they have been quite instrumental in encouraging parents to have babies in their own rooms, and when children resist this transition, leaving them to cry it out (also known as controlled crying), under the guise of teaching children to 'self-sooth'. However, crying is an extremely important means of communication for a young child or baby. When you respond quickly to your child's cries you teach them two things. Firstly, that they can trust you and secondly, and more importantly, that they can trust themselves to communicate their needs effectively. These are the very first build blocks of your child's self-esteem.  Young children are not meant to self-sooth. It is their parents job to provide soothing comfort, in whatever form that may take, until the child is emotionally and psychologically read to do so on their own. Being 'tough' with your child, rather than meeting their needs, does not teach them to do it themselves, rather it breaks their trust in you as a parent and protector. I look forward to the day when 'cry it out' and similar parenting techniques are considered child abuse, and responded to as such!

So I hope you can see form this post that I'm not just one crunchy parent preaching alone in the wilderness - Co-sleeping has a myriad of  benefits for both you and your child, and I have only touched on the most obvious ones here. Bed-sharing was one of the BEST decisions the  Rooster and I ever made :) I wish you all nights of peaceful slumber!

The Business of Being Born

How you get from this...

...to this

really does matter. 

And anyone who says differently has not done their homework! 

Sadly, the amount of information easily available to pregnant women has been shockingly meagre, until now. Enter The Business of Being Born

This movie should be mandatory for everyone of reproductive age. Men and woman need to be be equally well-informed about the process of birth, the options available, and the reasons why some choices actually are better than others for getting the birth experience you really want.

A woman's body was designed to give birth naturally without any medical intervention, including drugs. Most pregnant women you speak to will tell you they want a natural birth. However, most woman are also afraid of the pain of labour. What few know is that fear actually causes pain in labour. Ok, I know this is beginning to sound a bit fruity, but stick with me!

Let's take a look at other mammals. When an animal is in labour, and becomes afraid (perhaps due to a predator approaching) the fight/flight response kicks in. Massive amounts of adrenalin are released into the labouring female's system. The adrenalin has two effects. Firstly it slows down the progress of labour, and secondly, it actually causes the cervix to close up again. This protects both the mother and baby, giving her a chance to escape and find a new safe spot to continue her labour. Well folks, it's the same with humans. When a woman is afraid during labour, adrenalin is released, in effect working against the progress of labour.

So, because women are not taught how to manage their fear/pain during labour they are only too glad when the drugs arrive. Unfortunately, this is just the start of a domino effect of interventions. You have the epidural, so labour slows down, so you are given pitocin, which produces contractions that are stronger and longer than would naturally be produced. Eventually the pain overwhelms the epidural, so you get a top-up, but then you need more pitocin, and on and on it goes until the ptiocin contractions are so long and strong that they send your baby into foetal distress due to a lack of blood supply/oxygen - next thing you know you are getting a C-section and everyone is saying 'Thank God for modern medicine'.  This is not the birth that most women want, nor do they want episiotomies or vacuum and forceps deliveries.

If you know what kind of birth experience you want, but your not sure how to get it - start with this movie. The business of being born really just introduces a lot of the important information you need to be aware of, but it is easy to watch and very accessible. Take what you see and do you own research, you will be amazed at how much control you really do have as a woman over your birth experience.

It is up to women to take back our birth!